Excuses, Excuses, I Need One!

Have you ever gotten tongue-tied when the time came when you needed a really good excuse for being late for school, cutting class, or not doing your homework? With this list of comprehensible excuses that you can practice in front of the mirror everyday, your brain will never fail you again. And your poor pet dog will not seem like such an incurable glutton. For more effective excuses, accompany them with a lot of weeping and wailing, and, well, apologies, if you must.

Being late for school

  1. You are deaf and lost your hearing aid, and therefore couldn’t hear the alarm. Proceed to misinterpret everything the teacher/boss says. i.e. ‘since when were you deaf?’ she says. ‘bins send bear to death?’ you say.
  2. You had to walk your little brother to school because your parents are a) busy b) on a business trip c) drunk.
  3. Your aforementioned little brother puked on you on the way to school and you had to go home to change.
  4. You suddenly had an athsma attack. If you’re really late, you can say you forgot where you put your inhaler so you fainted and had to be revived. If you actually have athsma, this excuse is brilliant.
  5. You had an allergic reaction to the new brand of cheap cereal your mother got from the budget store
  6. Your car broke down/ran out of gas, and you had to walk to school.
  7. Your mom/you (if you can drive) misplaced the car keys, and you had to walk to school.
  8. Somebody smashed your car windows, and you had to walk to school.
  9. You couldn’t get rid of an annoying encyclopedia salesman.
  10. Your hamster got loose and you had to catch him.
  11. Your little brother switched off the alarm the night before, as a prank.
  12. You were helping an old grandmother cross the road. Then fake a praise letter to the principal from an imaginary grandmother. Maybe you could actually really help an old grandmother cross the road, so it’s true.
  13. You were actually in school/in the office all the while, but had to go to the washroom because what you ate for breakfast disagreed with you.

Not doing homework

  1. You dropped it into a drain/some dirty place, and out of consideration for the teacher, you decided to throw it away.
  2. You had to help out at your mom’s free charity bake sale, and you thought it was a once in a lifetime chance to do something for the needy and contribute to the society. Spend ten minutes crapping about your passion for service, drag it on so that by the time you’ve finished, your teacher has a) forgotten about the homework b) fallen in love with you, or c) decided that since you’ve already wasted so much time, she should move on quickly to the lesson.
  3. And by the time you got back home, it was really late and you were sleepy and tired and didn’t want to hand in slipshod work.
  4. Your dog died and you had a rough time coping with your grief. Weep convincingly.
  5. Your best friend had a rough break up and you had to go over to her house to comfort her, because that’s what friends are for.
  6. You were caught in the rain on your way to school and it got drenched. Before this, wet your hair and your clothes a little.
  7. It slipped your mind, because you were having so many things on your mind that day. Burst into tears and refuse to elaborate. There’s a risk of being sent to the school shrink, though, if you use this one.

Cutting class

  1. You were sick. Hooray for this classic excuse.
  2. You had to go and visit your grandmother, who is in ____ (insert faraway place) because she fell sick/fell down/had a mild heart attack/had appendicitis and is in the hospital. (I am not cursing your grandmother.)
  3. Your cousin, who is again in some faraway place, got married and your family had to be there for the ceremony.
  4. You were at an activist riot, advocating for a good cause.
  5. You were participating in a competition and had to leave early from school.
  6. If you’re a girl, you had menstrual cramps (only works for cutting maybe the last period though. Not the whole day)
Good luck.

4 responses to “Excuses, Excuses, I Need One!

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March 2012
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