The Avengers: What was cool and what wasn’t (but mostly what wasn’t.)

I’ve watched the Avengers (Finally!!) did it deserve the 93% rating on Rotten Tomatoes? I’m not sure. Not many movies are that good. But don’t get me wrong- I loved it. The script was hilarious, and the assembled cast were brilliant. I really, really loved all of them. (Well, except Nick Fury. The character. Not the actor. The actor salvaged whatever he could of a bad situation. He’s probably the best thing that ever happened to that pirate-wannabe.)

What wasn’t cool? Nick Fury’s uselessness, the lack of a proper villain that’s not just there for comic relief, and a plot that’s mainly about ‘hey bros, let’s go bash the Chatauri’. More about this later. (I have to substantiate this, for fear of getting a bunch of hate mail.)

It’s an incredible movie, and it’s really entertaining. But I can’t exactly say that it’s extremely inspiring or touching or anything like that. That’s alright. Movies aren’t supposed to be sermons anyway.

Ok, so here’s what I didn’t like about the Avengers. (I am NOT trying to be a spoilsport. I just have to get it out there.)

1. The plot was quite disappointing, especially since the plots for Captain America and Iron Man (well, especially CaptainAmerica) were soooooo good. Their plots were not some Transformer plot clone involving random aliens that only get to whisper sinisterly, and a magical, shining cube (sound familiar, anyone? No? The allspark?) They even have that same gormless expression on.

   vs    

The whole plot basically revolves around a lot of bashing. At the start of the movie, it was the Avengers bashing each other in, and then at the end (after a not very particularly rousing speech by annoying one-eyed Nick Fury- more about this later-) they bashed aliens together like a great giant gathering of Hit-The-Mole players.

It’s absolute action-fighting galore. But sadly, not very complex, unique, or meaningful.

2. The characters spend so much time fighting, sometimes for reasons you don’t even understand, that there is absolutely no time left to develop the characters or give them meaningful screen time that doesn’t involve punching and summoning Godly weapons. You can’t really identify with the characters, or feel emotionally involved, unlike in Captain America, where I felt so intimately entwined with his story that I actually started crying when he selflessly, courageously sacrifices his life in order to save the world. (He takes out a picture of the love of his life and stares at it as he plummets to his death in a vast ocean, strapped to a ticking weapon of mass destruction.)

3. I hate Nick Fury.

A) He’s utterly and completely useless. He does not advise anyone on anything, and instead just struts around with his eyepatch, giving out orders (that have no visible contribution to anything at all) and arguing with a bunch of holographs that’s supposed to be part of a “council” we know nothing about. How come such an inept guy gets to be the director of S.H.I.E.L.D I have no idea. How come he even gets listened to by anyone, I also have no idea. I mean, seriously, the only contribution he made throughout the course of the movie was to use his colleague’s death to settle a few petty squabbles between the Avengers. If someone like him were to be in charge of the last line of defence when my planet gets invaded by aliens, I will NOT sleep easy at night.

B) He’s a try-hard with a repulsive personality. He tries to be cool, but let’s face it. He isn’t. He doesn’t have style, he doesn’t have cool lines (although he thinks he does) and worst of all, he’s a manipulator and a liar. Granted, he’s a spy, but considering that the Avengers are going to be putting their lives on the line for you, I think they deserve a little more respect. He didn’t even tell them the plan he had (use the tesseract for his own use, a.k.a. to create weapons of mass destruction, not exactly the best of intentions) until they found out about it and got really mad.

I really can’t help it if you are a gurl, can I?

4. The villains are jokes. We don’t get to see any Chatauri, except as stuff to be shot down and murdered, (or as a supposedly sinister whisper) and Loki is a mockery of proper villainy. Sure, he’s complex. He’s struggling with his inner demons. I understand that. But he’s so conflicted (a.k.a. I love you brother, vs I need revenge/Earth/the tesseract and you suck, Thor, I hate being in your shadow!) that he isn’t much use as a villain except as a bit of comic relief. I feel insulted on his behalf. Of all the villains the Chatauri could have allied with, they choose Loki. Even his name sounds hilariously undignified. Reminds me of Hawaii, which then reminds me of dancing in grass skirts. I’m more scared of night-lamps than I’m scared of him. In fact, I think Nick Fury is about five billion times more sinister than he is.

I’m sorry for that long list of complaints. The Avengers really was, a pretty good movie. I really liked it. It’s the perfectionist in me acting up. It’s as much an uncontrollable part of me as Hulk is for Dr. Benner.

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2 responses to “The Avengers: What was cool and what wasn’t (but mostly what wasn’t.)

  1. Alex Hamilton

    Lolol read 2 of your posts and already I’m hooked. Your style of writing is awesome. I hit the ‘follow button within seconds of reading this post. P.s. You shd definitely do more movie reviews.

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