Captain America Is No Wimp!

Before I read this blogpost, I was stuck in a “why is Captain America so useless?” rut. Even Chris Evans himself criticized his own character, saying something along the lines of, “You have the Hulk ripping jets in half, and Thor is calling down thunder, and Iron Man is shooting missiles. And I’m, like, ‘I’ll take the stairs!” on the Late Night With Jimmy Fallon talk show on the 1st of May.

Now, though, I’m restored to my previous state of Captain America obsession. Okay, so he can’t fly, or blast Chatauri down with his nuclear blasters (or whatever those are.) He doesn’t have a hammer, and when he falls from a hundred feet, he dies. He can’t disappear and reappear at will, and he isn’t ten meters wide. He can’t flatten buildings just by standing on them.

But, as Chris Evans adds on in his interview, “He’s a good man.” Good? Did I just hear good? Captain America is my favorite superhero of all time, and if you’re going to insult Steve Rogers, you’re going to have to go through me first.

What’s wrong with using the stairs? The greatest heroes aren’t those with the most powerful nuclear blasters, or the heaviest hammers. The greatest heroes are those with the biggest hearts. (On a shallower sidenote, trendy capes help, too.)

Before you dismiss him as just another pretty face without an ounce of substance, let me just bonk you on the head with this heavy shield made of the hardest material in the world. Read this post, and I’ll try to change your mind. Well, if it doesn’t work, I might have no choice but to use to shield.)

  1. He’s courageous, noble, and most of all, compassionate. He’s willing to put his life on the line to save the world. Or a bunch of strangers. He’s just about the most selfless person ever. If you’re super powerful, but you’re too selfish to do anything with those powers, you’re as useless as a rotting mushroom, and just as repulsive. He crashed his aeroplane into the ocean, preparing to die just to prevent more civilian deaths. He’s one of those people you can count on, no matter what. He’s not afraid to fight for what he believes in, and stand up for those he thinks need protection. You can knock him down, but he won’t stay down for long. Yup, he’s a “good man”. He’s full of the stuff true heroes are made of. Not strength, not superhuman intelligence, not weapons of mass destructions- but courage and compassion.
  2. He’s a leader. You may have the best army in the world, but without anyone to lead it, it’s just going to disintegrate into a bunch of squabbling, petty men. And women. Captain America, is that kind of leader. He’s inspiring and charmismatic, and he’s not afraid to make the tough calls. He’s smart enough to make the best decision, and compassionate enough to make that decision with the interests of the people. When he says something, people listen. Here’s his inspiring speech before they go off to kill some Chatauri: “All right, listen up! Until we can close that portal up there, what we need is containment. Barton, I want you on that roof, eyes on everything. Call out patterns and strays. Stark, you’ve got the perimeter. Anything gets more than three blocks out, you turn it back or you turn it to ash. Thor, you’ve gotta try and bottleneck that portal, slow them down. You’ve got the lightning – light the bastards up!” The Titanic sank because it didn’t have a good Captain. The Earth (at least in the Avenger’s movie) didn’t get destroyed because it had a good Captain. There isn’t any iceberg that could sink this dude.
  3. He’s romantic as hell. You can’t run away from this fact. Captain America, besides being a hilarious, action-packed, thrilling stunner of a movie, it was also an epic love story that (in my opinion) trumped that of the all time favorites Romeo and Juliet/Titanic. He’s also extremely good looking.
  4. He’s funny and quick-witted. He’s also oozing with charm and style. In the Captain America movie, the commander wants them to take down this flag from a tall flagpole. Everyone rushes in, shoving and scrambling, and ultimately fail. Captain America waits, then coolly strides over, unscrews the bolts from the ground, watches as the flagpole crashes to the ground, then picks the flag up from the floor.

There’s really nothing not to like about him.

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7 responses to “Captain America Is No Wimp!

  1. Alex Hamilton

    Hahaha great post- I completely and whole-heartedly agree with you. The cap’n is one hell of a guy.

    • I know! Think of all those people he would’ve managed to save if he’d actually been real…But I’m sure there are loads of real life captain americas out there. Minus the suit.

      • I liked the part when Captain America was smashing his ship into an iceberg is that he took out a picture of his girlfriend. It isn’t just touching, it’s tragic.

  2. Joe

    You hit it right on the head: Cap is a leader and an inspiration. He’s a hero.
    And thanks for the shout-out to my blog :)

  3. Zack Bentfeld

    he’s a pussy

  4. Jon D

    But the thing is, if you need to go through all this trouble to justify why he isn’t so useless, then maybe he isn’t that cool in the first place.

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